The Invisible Harm of Childhood Emotional Neglect

For many people, childhood was a happy time, filled with curiosity, fun, and adventure; a time of safety and security, a time of knowing that the adults in their life would take care of their needs.

For others, though, childhood didn’t feel secure and safe; they didn’t receive the warmth and caring they needed from the adults who raised them. Instead, emotional neglect was the norm, and something that stained their early years, with lasting effects into adulthood.

Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) occurs when parents are unable to connect with their children or respond in ways that meet their children’s emotional needs. CEN causes invisible harm, rather than bruises and broken bones, and has lasting effects.

CEN is not the same as childhood emotional abuse, however. In families where abuse happens, the adults often intend to cause harm to the child. With childhood emotional neglect, the adults might not mean to harm their child, and might still provide the child with good physical care; they just fail to notice or care for their child’s emotional needs.

CEN can be hard to spot, because it can happen in families that seem to be loving and who have their material needs met. Also, because a parent’s lack of response to their child’s emotional needs isn’t always obvious, it can easily be overlooked.

Adults with CEN may find themselves feeling stressed and anxious, and often think that there is something wrong with them, because their lives and relationships don’t feel fully satisfying. They take the blame for things that go wrong in their relationships, often feel a sense of guilt, and see themselves as flawed, while seeing others as having it all together.

If you wonder if you might have experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect, here are 5 signs that might suggest someone grew up with CEN:

1)      Avoiding Being Dependent on Others

While it is healthy to be independent as an adult, having a deeply-held fear of being dependent on someone else for something can be an unhealthy symptom of CEN.

2)      People Pleasing

Spending a lot of time trying to meet the needs of others while neglecting your own needs, or being hard on yourself while being forgiving of others, can be signs of having experienced CEN.

3)      Trouble Showing Feelings

Children whose emotions are ignored by the adults who care for them may find they struggle as adults with recognizing and showing their emotions. Finding it hard sometimes to know what you’re feeling inside, or not knowing how to express your feelings to others, might be signs that you experienced CEN.

4)      Emptiness Inside 

Adults who experienced CEN sometimes find they feel sensations of emptiness in their chest, throat, or stomach. Different people experience this sense of emptiness in different ways; for some people the sensation comes and goes, while for others it is a constant feeling that is always is with them.

5)      You Don’t Really Know Who You Are

Children who grow up with CEN will sometimes find that, as adults, they don’t really know who they are. They can find it hard to tell new people they meet about themselves, or to be able to describe their strengths and weaknesses. Even being able to identify their likes and dislikes can be challenging for some adults of CEN.

While childhood emotional neglect has lasting impact into adulthood, there are several effective types of counseling that are available as treatment options. The unseen wounds of CEN can be healed, so if you think you might have suffered from CEN, please contact us so we can help you start having the